You understand something as you linger over the racy one:
Frankly, you had been putting up with too much from him already. You justified it to yourself in various ways, and he helped you do so; he was quick to dismiss concerns. This "relationship" was a dizzying excess of positive thinking all along, but you outdid yourself in the end. When you discovered that you had been someone else's affair the whole time, you didn't decide on your own that it was over. You had been trying so hard to believe that it was something positive in your life, that you would have reached some kind of compromise even then, to try and "make it work." You're lucky he put you out of your misery and ended it himself. Get a hold of yourself. You're not the only one it hurts when you have so little respect for yourself.
And on the cellphone:
You tried. You tried very hard. You were determined to be the best boyfriend you could for her. You thought nothing of yourself, and even found it an exciting challenge to respond to her ever-heightening demands. Even in that moment, where you hesitated, you let her convince you that she was what you should focus on. And for what? After all that, hesitating was still too much. Her rejection of you didn't come long after that. She saw into your heart and saw that you cared about your brother more than you cared about her, and nothing else mattered after that. You didn't even let yourself perceive that as the reality for a long time. That was the one thing that wasn't going to change, whoever your partner was. If that's the dealbreaker, then what?
[These memories actually hit Vicious less hard, due to how little he can relate to the feelings involved. Relationships? Positive thinking? Lack of self-respect? Thinking nothing of yourself?? They feel so incredibly alien even to his amnesiac mind that it's very clear they're not his.]
...Hmph. Yeah, you really should get ahold of yourself. Who do ya think it's helpin' when you're like that? First thing ya should do is care about what you want. Otherwise you'll get left with nothin' when all that other bullshit goes away.
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Frankly, you had been putting up with too much from him already. You justified it to yourself in various ways, and he helped you do so; he was quick to dismiss concerns. This "relationship" was a dizzying excess of positive thinking all along, but you outdid yourself in the end. When you discovered that you had been someone else's affair the whole time, you didn't decide on your own that it was over. You had been trying so hard to believe that it was something positive in your life, that you would have reached some kind of compromise even then, to try and "make it work." You're lucky he put you out of your misery and ended it himself. Get a hold of yourself. You're not the only one it hurts when you have so little respect for yourself.
And on the cellphone:
You tried. You tried very hard. You were determined to be the best boyfriend you could for her. You thought nothing of yourself, and even found it an exciting challenge to respond to her ever-heightening demands. Even in that moment, where you hesitated, you let her convince you that she was what you should focus on. And for what? After all that, hesitating was still too much. Her rejection of you didn't come long after that. She saw into your heart and saw that you cared about your brother more than you cared about her, and nothing else mattered after that. You didn't even let yourself perceive that as the reality for a long time. That was the one thing that wasn't going to change, whoever your partner was. If that's the dealbreaker, then what?
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...Hmph. Yeah, you really should get ahold of yourself. Who do ya think it's helpin' when you're like that? First thing ya should do is care about what you want. Otherwise you'll get left with nothin' when all that other bullshit goes away.
[Vicious takes a seat.]
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